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     Here is the problem. I think I have made mention of this on here before, but here is the situation. My wife and I have been in marital counselling with the pastor of the church we attend for a year and half. We are not members yet because my wife is charismatic and she believes in the gifts of the spirit and the pastor is against it because we go to a Baptist Church. Now I agree with the pastor on it, but I know my wife will not bust out in tongues and dance in the aisle. The sad thing is we believe it to be a bible teaching church and the people in our small group are nice.
      Recently the pastor thought it would be best that I come to him for a discipleship time and that my wife come in every so once in a while. This devastated my wife. He reminds her of her father. What the pastor wants is for her to lean on me more than anybody. He wants her to befriend the assistant pastors wife. He cited Titus 2 where it says that women should disciple women. Still at the same time my wife is having intense nightmares. Two years ago her father died of cancer and her brother got sick and died suddenly in October. She had the privilege of watching both of them take their last breath. She had to watch the doctors try to bring back her brother to no avail. She wants to see a professional counselor. I talked to the pastor privately Thursday explaining how my wife felt about this. He quoted Romans 15:14 saying that we are able to counsel each other and that we don't really need professional help. I agree with him, but my wife is close to a nervous breakdown. She has headaches everyday and she is litterally forgetting what she has been doing for that certain hour.
      My wife has been out of work for a year, and I have a degree in English, but I could only find work here in Columbus Ohio as a daytime janitor at a janitorial service. It offers no benefits and no raises. We don't have any real friends here anymore and since we can't join the church and other problems surrounding our church life I am thinking about moving us out of the area completely. I have lived here for over 15 years and I have yet to find a church like this. My wife has lived here all her life and still has had trouble finding a good church.
     The problem with it is that my mother in law is emotionally unstable and she is getting quite toxic. She constantly criticizes my wife because she has been out of work and she constantly is negative about everything. My pastor against us moving out of town saying that we are to take care of her. Two years ago she lost her husband and in October she lost her only son.  My wife has a sister who runs away from stress and her mothers problems, but she has been better about it lately. Still the Pastor is against us leaving and cited I Timothy 5 saying to take care of her. Still how can we take care of her when we are barely able to take care of ourselves?
Here are my questions
1. How should I handle my wife's nightmares?
2. How should I handle the Pastor?
3.Should we move regardless of my mother in laws problems?
4. How should I handle my mother in law?

Thanks for putting up with this message.
   
     

I am not able to be of any help but I will remember you in my prayers.
 
I have had two different situations  and the one I did see a Christian counselor who helped very much and in the case of my most resent problem I again saw a non Christian counselor  but I was considering a pastor but the problem is resolving itself, My advise is for the both of you to see a professional  until you get the issues solved. Your marriage is important. 

God's Love Ruth

You need to heal yourselves FIRST before you can help anyone.  That seems to be one of the major sore spots.  The other is your church(es).  To be quite frank, God never intended nor condoned "denominations".  They divide His people.  We are called to come together under the banner of Jesus Christ.  Nowhere in the Scriptures does it say anything about dividing His church.  The church has had 2000 years of it.  Don't you think that's enough?  Find a church that can get past that.  That church will be the one to give you straight answers and help with your problems.  I learned a LONG time ago that one must go where the jobs are.  If you are degreed and your wife cannot find work, you have no choice.  If there are no jobs where you are at, find a place that there ARE jobs.  WE cannot live other peoples' lives for them.  We have no control over them.  God does.  Just as we have no control over US.  Before you do ANYTHING, you must turn these things over to God in fervent prayer - daily... hourly, if need be - and then (here's the key) listen and watch for an answer.  You will know when it comes.  I promise and so does God.  How do I know these things?  Because I've lived them.

Hope this helps some.

Amen Gary, I agree.

If you cannot find a church that will go past the denominations then call Focus on the Family.  They can offer suggestions for that end.  Also they can offer suggestions for a counselor.  They have many that they work with.  If you can't find a counselor through Focus then go to your local Mental Health office and find a counselor there.  You may have to go through your local doctor to get a referral.  We do here in Canada.

As Gary said Go where the jobs are. 

I am and Have been praying.

You said, "The people in our small group  are nice."  Dear brother, you have FOUND a good church - it consists of your "small group." My counsel, first of all, is to get fully involved with that small group.  Relative to your "marital counselling" - a year and a half is much too long.  Undoubtedly there are unresolved and continuing problems - there always will be.  Nevertheless, the basics for interacting in the marriage relationship should have been learned and practiced  (only practice makes perfect) in the first few weeks of sessions.  If that has not occurred, I'd strongly suggest finding another pastor and/or church.  Check your yellow pages for "orthodox Presbyterian" churches.  Call them, and  ask if they do  "nouthetic" counselling of the kind  described by Jay E. Adams in his book "Competent  to Counsel."  His method involves the Bible extensively and intensively and should provide a new and  much-improved framework for your marriage within four to six weeks.
Your relationship to  your wife must be primary, and the health of that relationship is much more important than anything you may do for your mother-in-law.  Any conflict between you, your wife, and your mother-in-law must be resolved in favor of the primary relationship between you and your wife - including the matter of moving or staying.  I strongly advise finding professional counselling if truly "nouthetic"  counselling cannot be found.  In any case, lean on two things: lean on your relationships with the  small group, and  lean on  careful daily study of the Word of God - a study that should concentrate on increasingly knowing  God and His Son  and  more and more carefully becoming aware of His will for all the details of your daily lives.